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<title>With Feeling by CharCubed (alwaysanoriginal)</title>
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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/29292078">With Feeling</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/alwaysanoriginal/pseuds/CharCubed'>CharCubed (alwaysanoriginal)</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Anxiety, M/M, Mild Hurt/Comfort, Tenderness</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2021-02-08</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-02-08</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-13 06:13:50</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>1,090</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/29292078</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/alwaysanoriginal/pseuds/CharCubed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Bucky's having a bad day, restless with anxiety. Steve helps him find stillness.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>James "Bucky" Barnes/Steve Rogers</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>9</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>68</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>With Feeling</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>I'm missing these two extra hard today, so I decided to unearth this from my Google Docs and post it.<br/>This was originally sent spontaneously via DMs to my friend Sonny, so this one goes out to her.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Bucky's having a bad day.</p><p>Steve can tell because Buck is awake earlier than usual–well, it's more like the middle of the night, actually–and doing weird stretches and handstands again. He’s clearly restless and feeling out-of-sorts in his own body. Steve is pretending to be asleep, as always, but he's actually been lying there with his eyes barely open, watching Bucky and feeling helpless.</p><p>Steve wishes he could do something, but he knows Buck's gotta work it out on his own, and he <i>will</i>. Steve just has to wait him out.</p><p>Bucky doesn't come back to bed though. Eventually, right around sunrise, he stands by the bed and fidgets with his hands and seems like he’s considering it. But he doesn't look at Steve, and then he just quietly walks out into the living room.</p><p>Steve's heart aches for him.</p><p>He leaves him alone for an hour or so until he can't stand it anymore, and then goes out there to see what's going on. Bucky's pacing, then stopping and bouncing on his toes, then tapping his fingers against his sides, and it's written all over him that he's anxious. But he's got nowhere to escape because the thing that's making him anxious is his own body.</p><p>Steve can't leave it alone. He walks right up to Bucky, and grabs his wrists gently. "Buck, talk to me."</p><p>Bucky's brow is furrowed and he shakes his head slightly, tugging his hands halfheartedly like he's trying to escape Steve's grip. "I don't, I just... I feel weird."</p><p>"Weird how?" Steve moves his thumbs back and forth on Bucky's wrists gently, catching how fast his heartbeat is.</p><p>"Anxious," he mumbles. "It'll go away. Always does. It's..." He huffs in frustration, trying to find the words.</p><p>"You don't gotta explain," Steve says softly. Steve doesn't understand, but he doesn't have to. "Is there anything I can do?"</p><p>Bucky makes another sound of frustration. "No, I want you to know, I just... don't know how to make it make sense. It's like... I don't... feel like me."</p><p>Steve’s blood runs cold with old fears, but he keeps his voice calm. "You know who you are though, right?"</p><p>Bucky turns his hands to grip Steve's wrists back. "Yeah, yeah, I know myself. I know <i>you</i>. But my body..." He shudders. "Doesn't feel right. Like it's not mine."</p><p>Steve thinks he gets it. "Leftover from when they tried to make you not care about having a body at all."</p><p>Bucky nods jerkily. He bounces on his toes a bit again, a miserable expression on his face. "Yeah. Like if I stop moving long enough, I'll stop <i>feeling</i>. I don't know. It'll go away. Just bad today."</p><p>Steve asks again, "Can I do anything?"</p><p>"I don't know," Bucky says.</p><p>Steve sighs, and then he thinks of something. "Can I try something? If you end up not liking it, we'll stop."</p><p>Bucky nods.</p><p>Steve tugs Bucky gently back into the bedroom. "Here, sit on the bed for me."</p><p>Bucky does, hunched in on himself a little, tapping a finger against his arm.</p><p>Steve takes a deep breath. "Okay. Tell me to stop if you need to."</p><p>Bucky's got socks and pajama pants and a muscle tee on, and Steve kneels in front of him, close. Gently, he reaches out and unfolds Bucky's arms, and he focuses on his flesh arm first. </p><p>Steve holds Bucky’s hand, and presses a soft kiss to the top of it. Bucky makes a soft sound that's almost like he’s surprised.</p><p>Steve kneads his hands, gently, like he would if he was trying to put feeling back into someone with frostbite. Bucky watches with rapt attention, and Steve gently works his way from Bucky's fingers to his wrist, and then presses a soft kiss to the inside of his arm.</p><p>"Just focus on how this feels," Steve says, in a low voice. He moves up Bucky's arm, slowly, rubbing and massaging it in turn.</p><p>Steve notices that Bucky's stopped shifting so much and he's leaning towards Steve ever-so-slightly. He doesn't draw attention to it.</p><p>Steve makes it to Bucky's shoulder, and then he says, "Take off your shirt." </p><p>Bucky does immediately, and then holds his hand back out.</p><p>Steve shakes his head, and starts working on his right shoulder, and then his left, just slowly rubbing his hand where the metal meets flesh, like he's putting lotion there but there's nothing to rub.</p><p>He leans forward and kisses each shoulder, and then he sits back and picks up one of Bucky's legs, pulling a sock off slowly. Then he starts massing Bucky's foot, digging in, and Bucky winces. Steve stops immediately. </p><p>"No, that's... it's good," Bucky says. He rubs his metal hand on his leg a bit but otherwise doesn't fidget.</p><p>Steve keeps going, rucking Bucky's loose pants leg up a bit, and then he leans down and kisses the top of Bucky's foot.</p><p>As he goes, he pushes the pajamas up, and up, kissing along Bucky's leg and kneading his calf. Bucky makes a sound again, and leans back on his hands, looking up at the ceiling.</p><p>Steve pauses again, checking in. "Doing okay, Buck?"</p><p>Bucky nods, eyes closed now.</p><p>Steve gives the other leg the same treatment, then reaches up for Bucky's hips. Bucky lifts off the bed without being told to move and Steve pulls off his pajama pants, and leans down to kiss his thigh.</p><p>"Steve," Bucky says, putting his hand in Steve's hair, and his voice sounds wrecked. It’s not sexual at all; he just seems overwhelmed. </p><p>Steve looks up at him, head basically in his lap. "Okay?"</p><p>Bucky looks close to tearing up. "Yeah."</p><p>"You feel that, Buck? You feel me?"</p><p>Bucky does tear up, then. "Yeah, yeah. I feel you."</p><p>Steve keeps going, gently pushing Bucky back on the bed, and kisses up his side and up his chest and on his neck. Bucky fists his hands in Steve's shirt, eyes closed, just feeling it. He's completely still.</p><p>Steve makes it to his ear and he whispers, "Love you."</p><p>Bucky blinks his eyes open and smiles softly for the first time since yesterday. "Love you," he says back.</p><p>Steve lays down next to him and keeps stroking a hand up and down his side. "I got you, Buck. You okay?"</p><p>Bucky nods, eyes slipping closed again and shifting towards Steve. All the tension he'd been holding is gone now, and he looks exhausted.</p><p>"Go to sleep," Steve says quietly. "I got you."</p><p>Bucky goes to sleep.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Thank you for reading! Feel free to follow me on Twitter <a href="https://twitter.com/CharCubed">@CharCubed</a> or on Tumblr at <a href="https://alwaysanoriginal.tumblr.com/">alwasyanoriginal</a>.</p><p>And hey, one time I <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/23737111/chapters/57004606">rewrote Avengers: Endgame</a>, just as an FYI in case that's your thing :)</p></blockquote></div></div>
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